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Willingness

 

(Words and Music by Eric G)

 

I wrote this song in 2006 on a bleak day in February. I was feeling a little depressed and decided to go for a walk on Siesta Key Beach. The beach is usually packed with tourists, especially in February. However, it was so cold and blustery that I walked for several minutes without seeing anyone out. It was surreal. While walking I began playing with the melody in my mind and the words just came fully realized in like 15 minutes. The whole song just emerged in my mind—melody and lyrics. After my walk I went home picked up my guitar and the chords also came effortlessly. I don’t know what possessed me to make a hard rest on the second (Am) chord but that rest gave the song its groove and hook.

 

John Lennon talked about this type of song writing when he was with the Beatles. He said that he could sit and write a song about anything but that he liked most the songs that just came to him when he sat down to play. I think all songwriters get this experience sometimes where a song just pops out fully realized. It doesn’t seem like such a big deal when it is happening. It is only in retrospect that I see that something greater than me was working in me to smith this song. I was only its vessel.

 

I recorded it the first time at my friend Adam Fox’s house shortly after writing it. I was playing one of those cheap carbon fiber Martins that would not stay in tune. The first recording of this song you can hear the guitar losing more and more of it’s tuning as the song progresses. By the end the guitar songs like an old barroom piano but that somehow added to the charm of the song. That and my diphthong on “cha-aange.”

 

After I recorded this version, Adam called me and asked if he and his friend Sheldon (Who were the Gulf Gate Project and did a bunch of excellent club, dance and techno in the mid-00s) could add some beats and play some with the production. Of course I gave them permission and they did Willingness (Club Mix). It is a cool version of the song and you can hear it below.

 

By the time I got to Nashville to record this song, it was pretty well polished. I played it for the boys in the listening suite and they immediately had several ideas. JT worked out that very cool sparse and crunchy rhythm and Jim just went over the top with his harp work. The bones of the song were done in less than 5 minutes. JT plays what may be the best 8-bar guitar solo I have ever heard in this song. His playing positively struts in that solo. It has the sound of absolute confidence without ego. I never tire of hearing him play those few lines.

 

Danny Ellis (www.dannyellismusic.com) did all the vocal production on this album and we owe him so, so much. He is the spirit and the heart of this album. As I have said elsewhere, it was his mentorship, kindness and challenge that brought me out from behind my façade to be able to sing the songs on this album as Eric—raw and real. I will forever be indebted to Danny for not only what he has taught me about music but mostly for what he has taught me about how to live a life of spirit. Well, Danny shows us all his gifts of composition, production and performance on Willingness. There was a crazy number of vocal tracks for this song. If you listen carefully you can hear each chorus of the song double in harmonic complexity. So, that by the third and last chorus, there are vocal events happening all over the place. I cannot listen to the last chorus of Willingness without it significantly raising my pulse. It is infused with vocal magic. Lisa is off the chain in this last chorus. The song ends with her anthemic declaration “They-Call-This-A-Miracle.” No one can doubt her by the end of this song.

 

The coolest thing about Willingness on the KLEEN album, in my opinion, is the production. This was one of the last songs that Ace and I mixed down. He had just listened to John Mayer’s Born and Raised. Mayer recorded most of this album with “dry” (no effects) vocals. Ace was intrigued by this production and strenuously advocated that we do Willingness that way—without any effects on my vocals. I have always been tentative about my vox and am quick to use the palate of cosmetics available in post-production to soften that hard mid-range that honks out of me when I sing. Ace kept working on me to leave it alone. He said this is a “straight-forward and deeply honest song…let’s give it that in the production.” With ambivalence I decided to go with his recommendation to keep it dry. The first few times I listened to the song I cringed a little bit hearing all the flaws in my voice. However, as I have continued to listen over time this song has become a lot like recovery for me—the more I do it the more self-acceptance that I gain. Today, when I listen to Willingness I am so glad that Ace talked me into this production. I have grown to love the in-your-face directness and immediacy of the vocals. For all the flaws of my vocals, I can hear the honesty, sincerity and compassion in my voice on this song. That has become more pleasing and precious to me that aesthetic perfection. Thank you Ace for this gift!

LYRICS

 

Driving in my car working my 11th Step

Trying to find my way.

Rain’s coming down and my hope’s bleeding out

Can’t seem to stay in today.

 

Lately I’ve been reflecting

On what it means to be a man.

There’s sex and surrender and power and love,

I’m quite sure that I don’t understand.

 

But I can…

 

Change

I have found my willingness to

Change

Sick and tired of being afraid to

Change

Grant me the courage to do what I can do to

Change

And they call this a miracle

 

Rain lets up and I drive by a banyan tree

Get to thinking ‘bout roots.

Where I come from and where I’m going

All my lies and my truth (uh)

Look in the rear-view see my reflection

Both the boy and the man

There’s something else there that I can’t quite see

It’s the loving touch of the Unseen Hand.

 

I can…Change (Chorus)

 

Out on the Key watching the sunset

Grateful for another day kleen (Grateful)

February chill drove everyone inside and

I’m all-alone on the beach.

I make prayers for everyone

Whose still out there getting high.

Drive myself home singing to the stereo

Ready for another try.

 

You know I can…Change. (Chorus)

 

 

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